blog.
A Beautiful Sacrifice
I’ve built a beautiful castle.
One with grand staircases & endless rooms. One with magnificent chandeliers & stone walkways. Jewels at every glance.
One that shouts “hard work” in its very existence. One that everyone desires from the outside.
It is a beautiful castle, that took many beautiful years to make.
And every step of that process, guided by a good, good Father who knows all the divine guidelines that work.
Patient with me as I falter, or misinterpret directions.
Championing me as I succeed, or move on to the next step.
I guess He knew so very well that it was more about the process than the product, even when I didn’t.
A Deep Longing - a poem.
But what the soul truly longs for…
A hand that eases the uneasiness through the long journey ahead.
An ear that gracefully interprets a lacing of scattered words and allows it to settle in the heart.
Lips that effortlessly mirror the movement of the Spirit - a consistent vessel and messenger for the things of life that get overlooked.
Crucial in its existence.
One of its kind, yet yoked to another.
A golden miracle of an answer to a mystery that has only been revealed to the one who seeks true treasure.
And one day at a time, my soul presses in. One step deeper.
Picking Up the Broken Pieces
Because in Him, I am whole.
In Him, there is hope for a better (a whole) future.
In Him, I can overcome any & all things.
In Him, I am loved.
So utterly loved.
So when it begins to hurt, & the thorns begin to cripple me,
I look upon the face of Jesus & remember that in Him, I am promised a life of complete restoration & joy.
No strings attached.
With this reminder, I say with courage:
My friend, this too shall pass.
The Fire Alarm
The alarm started ringing one sudden day. Blaringly loud. Noticeably distracting. Echoing in my ears as if to say, “my only duty is to annoy you.”
Of course one’s first response is to try to fix it. Yes, I’m a fixer.
You do what you can, what you know to do in situations like this, what you’ve heard you should do from other people, what you’ve read about in those self-help articles on Google. & if that’s what they say you should do, it should surely work… right?
But when it doesn’t, one’s next natural response is to push it off until later.
”Sleep tonight, fix tomorrow.”
Because by then, it will surely be easier to fix.
A Fire That Burns Slowly
I once thought that this life of faith was worth giving up on. It is a far too windy road, with too many obstacles & too many temptations. A life of always having to choose the harder option of righteousness. A life of caring about things other people have no problem not caring about.
A Crown in Exchange
I had a collection of precious jewels.
Each one labeled with the things I hold dear to my life.
My dreams, my fame, my talents, my financial stability.
But, God asked me to give them to Him.
To trade in my precious jewels, in exchange for a precious crown.
Nothing Else
요즘은 참 많은 감정이 느껴진다. 이런 저런 감정 말이다. 느껴서야 안되는 감정… 또는 오래동안 못 느껴본 감정.
Lately I’ve been trying to rewire my dreams, desires, & sense of purpose. It’s easy to live life consumed by daily worries of expectations, success, & well, life. But I don’t want to live with selfish ambition. & I think that’s what God has been wanting to teach me - except I wasn’t ready. Until now, that is.
#BlackLivesMatter
I tiptoed around such sensitive issues because I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries, because I didn’t want to disrespect anybody, because I didn’t want to speak as if I understand. Because for our parents’ generation, passivity was the only way to survive and to fit in to society, & that’s the way we’ve been doing it for years.
But I’m starting to learn that although it is a generational & cultural mindset, I can break the cycle of silence as an individual (as so many others are beginning to do). I’m starting to learn that believing in my own voice is so very important when it comes to fighting for those facing injustice. I’m starting to learn that when God told us we are to be a light in the world & that we can do mighty things in Him, that He meant that for the much bigger issues in the world that I thought I was too small to handle.
And although I am not black, I can feel for them, I can love on them, I can stand with them, & I can speak out for them.
morning pages.
Years of struggle, a million different jobs, times of joy & times of uncertainty, & a few months of quarantine later… I’ve found more clarity in my disappointments of “lost time”, through accepting that I can’t recreate my past environments in my current life. But I can understand what about those past environments made me happy, how they helped me draw closer to Jesus, & apply those elements into working towards a healthy relationship with God now. I can allow the most important core belief I once held onto so dearly to take root in me again… the simplicity of Jesus.